Okay…We Had Another One!

Audio By Carbonatix

Every now and then, in your marriage, you create big mountains out of trivial molehills. My wife and I have just done it again. If you are a regular reader of this column, I hope you see that everybody’s family deals with normal stuff. Though some of us spend our lives sharing thoughts to try and make a difference for others, we live in the same world you do. We battle with the same issues and that’s why I’m here to tell you that it happened again.

Recently my wife and I had a disagreement over something that was absolutely silly. It escalated and went on for a day or so where we just seemed to stay sideways with each other. It wasn’t really a yelling match, it was more of a “stay on your own turf and don’t cross over onto the other one’s” situation, out of fear that everything will escalate again. We were living in the same house, but feeling like we were living on separate planets. Maybe you’ve been there. We eventually worked through it and I wrote down some of the things we did to help break through those barriers. I hope you find them helpful.

First, we agreed to move forward. Sometimes you can’t get to the next level if everything you talk about has to do with the previous level, which is nothing more than conversations that trip you up. So we agreed to disagree and then agreed to move forward and not talk about what had happened. That was difficult. In fact, one time I slipped up. Suddenly we were there again. I quickly learned it’s more helpful to leave it alone. But let me hasten to add that if moving forward means neglecting something significant, I would encourage you to address it and seek counsel if necessary. If they are just trivial issues, then move forward.

Second, I looked for ways to encourage her and I know she did the same for me. It won’t be easy to identify positives in the middle of seeing only negative things, but it’s important you try. It will at least get the momentum moving in the right direction.

Third, and probably one of the most important things you’ll ever do in your marriage, is to practice forgiveness. Allowing your spouse to make mistakes (or what you perceive as mistakes) and then making sure you forgive them is critical. It is vital for getting to the next level and overcoming your differences.

In this strategic area, I’ve often wondered what it would be like to live in a home where you are never forgiven. Just consider that for a moment. How would you feel if all the mistakes you’ve ever made were not forgiven, but were held against you? How horrible and torturous that would be. When I hold unforgiveness in my heart, I’m doing the same thing to someone else. In order to appreciate the times I’ve been forgiven, I need to exercise forgiveness in my own home, especially toward my spouse.

Lastly, we did something fun together. I think it’s really important to make sure you take that step by doing an activity that you both enjoy. We did that. We took a walk together. We laughed and we cut up. I was playful on the walk and we ended up straightening out our relationship. As I wrap this article, I do so with a happy heart—ah it feels good!