Wooton Knows Best

Chris: Hi, this is Chris. Welcome to Adventures in Odyssey.
Olivia Parker: And give everyone a safe trip home. Amen.
Whit: Thanks, Olivia. All right, that's it for this week, except for one thing. If you can stay in your seats, Wooton Bassett has an announcement for the class.
Matthew Parker: He's not even here.
Whit: Well, that's why he asked me to play this recording. He also asked me to turn off the lights.
Wooton Bassett: Greetings, everyone. I would like to tell you a story about a certain group of middle school kids who were having Sunday school in a room just like this one. Little did they know that lurking outside the church was a half-man, half-chicken. After a freak accident at the chicken soup factory, he was out to seek revenge on everybody who eats, sells, transports, or processes chicken, which is just about everybody in this room. The chicken man just saw a sign outside about the all-church chicken dinner. This was not good. The chicken man sneaked around the parking lot looking for unsuspecting chicken eaters, which is just about everybody in this room, but he found no one. He walked through the door into the church, the one marked "Exit Only." He didn't care. That's how bad this chicken was. He strutted down the Sunday school wing, getting closer and closer. People inside the rooms could hear his three-toed clawed feet stepping closer, closer. He saw a door with the words "Middle School Classroom." Standing on one leg, his claw crept toward the knob. Closer, closer. Hey, don't worry about it. It's just me in a chicken suit.
Olivia Parker: Wooton, what was that for?
Wooton Bassett: Thanks for asking, Olivia. That was just a sample of the scary stories I'll be telling at Camp What-a-Nut.
Whit: Wooton is going for a weekend retreat next month, and he's a camp counselor.
Olivia Parker: If you're the counselor, shouldn't you be counseling? Why are you telling scary stories?
Wooton Bassett: You have to tell scary stories at camp. It's tradition. It's part of the counselor's job. Scaring the kids gives us something to counsel them about later, especially when you're dealing with those cute little first graders.
Olivia Parker: Wait a minute. You're going to be telling that scary story to first graders?
Wooton Bassett: It was about a chicken man. How scary can a chicken man really be?
Olivia Parker: I'd have nightmares for a month if you told me that story in first grade.
Whit: Why don't you explain why you're here, Wooton?
Wooton Bassett: Sure. The reason that I'm here is to explain that Camp What-a-Nut has been a favorite retreat spot for kids around Odyssey for many years. They have hiking, swimming, all kinds of sports.
Wooton Bassett: That's right. I hear they're adding rock-paper-scissors, which reminds me of why I'm here. I need one of you to be my assistant. I haven't even told you the best part yet. There's a special guest coming to the retreat: Melissa Cypher.
Olivia Parker: Melissa Cypher? I love her!
Wooton Bassett: She's got a new album out, so she's going to be singing a bunch of songs from it. Anyway, I get to pick one lucky person to be my assistant. So, if you're interested, ask your parents and then come see me. Okay, I have to go. Thanks, Mr. Whittaker. Hit that play button again.
Wooton Bassett: And the chicken man took out a tub of precooked batter and a giant deep fryer, and he began to place the victim. Yeah, I should probably work on that.
Olivia Parker: Anyway, he needs an assistant, and I really want to do it, Mom.
Mrs. Parker: That sounds like a good opportunity.
Olivia Parker: So get this. The special guest for this weekend is Melissa Cypher.
Mrs. Parker: Wow, cool.
Mr. Parker: Who is that?
Olivia Parker: Dad, really? You don't know Melissa Cypher?
Mr. Parker: Sorry, no.
Olivia Parker: She's a singer, and she speaks around the country about things like purity and living for Jesus.
Matthew Parker: Wait a minute. Will it just be Melissa Cypher, or will Joel Cypher be there too?
Olivia Parker: Since Joel is her husband, I think he travels with her everywhere.
Matthew Parker: You're kidding. I want to go. Her husband is also her producer and sound engineer. He does some of the coolest things with music and sound. He practically invented the phase enhancer sync pad for the Lotharian Wi-Fi keyboard. I'd love to meet him.
Mr. Parker: He invented the what for the what?
Olivia Parker: Sorry, you can't, Matthew. Wooton said he only needs one assistant, and it's going to be me. If Mom and Dad say it's okay.
Mr. Parker: I don't have any problem with it.
Mrs. Parker: I think it would be great.
Matthew Parker: Wait a minute. What about me?
Olivia Parker: What about you? I want to do this to help Wooton help kids. You just want to meet some guy who syncs pads on a soundboard.
Matthew Parker: It's way more complicated than that.
Mr. Parker: Hold on. Did Wooton say for sure that only one person could go?
Olivia Parker: Yes, he said he needed one assistant.
Mr. Parker: I suppose it wouldn't hurt to ask if he could use more help, though.
Matthew Parker: Yeah, I'm sure he could. I'll ask him.
Olivia Parker: Oh, brother.
Matthew Parker: Oh, sister.
Wooton Bassett: Okay, so let's give it a try, shall we, Whit?
Whit: All right. Thanks.
Wooton Bassett: Greetings, everyone. I would like to tell you a story about a certain group of first graders at camp. Just so you know, though, it wasn't this camp. It was a completely different camp miles away. So it's not this camp. In that other camp, the first graders had no idea that lurking outside—well, okay, not really lurking. He was kind of hanging out, standing there saying, "Hey, what's up?" browsing. Yes, okay, he was browsing for postcards or something in the gift shop at a camp that's a thousand miles away from this camp, which is safe and totally fine. Browsing in that gift shop was a man without a head. No, no, no, can't use that. A thumb. Okay, he was the thumbless man, which is not really scary, but he does have trouble hitchhiking, which sort of makes him mad because he's got places to go like everybody. He lost his thumb in an accident involving an electric razor. No, wait, that's wrong. It was a genetic problem. He was born without a thumb, which is not his fault, and he's gotten used to it by now. He's been to physical therapy, he's doing good.
Whit: Wooton, can I stop you for just a second?
Wooton Bassett: Why? Is it too scary?
Whit: No, no.
Wooton Bassett: Is it that thumb thing too much? Because maybe he's just missing a tooth or has ear hair.
Whit: May I suggest that you just think of a story that's a little less scary to begin with and then tell it? The explanations seem to be getting in the way a bit.
Wooton Bassett: Yeah, maybe you're right. I have to start over then.
Olivia Parker: Hi.
Wooton Bassett: Oh, hey, guys. So Olivia, did you talk to your parents about going to Camp What-a-Nut?
Olivia Parker: Yes, I did. And they said that it would be a great—
Matthew Parker: Actually, we have a question first. You did say that you only need one person, right? Or could you use a little more help and take two?
Wooton Bassett: Two would be great, Matthew, but all the cabins and the beds are taken and stuff, so I can really only take one assistant.
Olivia Parker: One. Yeah, so that's too bad, Matthew. Hey, maybe next year.
Matthew Parker: Wait a minute. Why does it automatically go to you?
Olivia Parker: Because I heard about it first.
Matthew Parker: That's the rule?
Olivia Parker: Yes. You happened to be listening to this news an hour before me, so you get to go to camp and not me? Yes.
Matthew Parker: Wooton?
Wooton Bassett: Yes.
Matthew Parker: Who do you want to be your assistant? It's your choice.
Wooton Bassett: My choice? Matthew, I don't think that's a very good idea.
Matthew Parker: Why not?
Wooton Bassett: Because I'm no good with those kinds of decisions. You never want to be behind me in line at the grocery store. That whole paper or plastic thing stumps me for like half an hour.
Matthew Parker: Then who decides which one of us gets to go?
Whit: Wooton, I think you're going to have to make the decision.
Wooton Bassett: Oh, really? But how? Both of them would make good assistants.
Whit: But you said you can't take both, so you're going to have to figure out which of the two has the right skills for what you need.
Olivia Parker: Oh, that's easy.
Matthew Parker: Too easy.
Wooton Bassett: I can't make that decision right now, Matthew. I need a little time to evaluate properly.
Matthew Parker: Precisely how much time?
Wooton Bassett: I guess I have to decide that too.
Matthew Parker: All right, you'll let us know then?
Wooton Bassett: Since you're my only two candidates, yes.
Olivia Parker: All right. Well, I guess we'll go now. I have to go feed the hungry.
Matthew Parker: Yeah, I've got prisoners to minister to. Bye.
Wooton Bassett: Bye. What am I going to do?
Whit: Think of this as a good life lesson.
Wooton Bassett: For me or for them?
Whit: For all of you. It'll be good for them to learn that they're not going to be picked first for everything.
Wooton Bassett: Okay, and what about me?
Whit: Sometimes you have to make tough choices, even if it means hurting someone's feelings.
Wooton Bassett: That's the part I don't like.
Whit: Look, you just have to be as clear as you can be about how you make your decision. Think and pray it through, and then be just as gentle as you can when you break the news. If it's done reasonably, I'm sure the one who doesn't get the position will survive any hard feelings, which they may have, by the way.
Wooton Bassett: Wow, this makes that whole paper or plastic conundrum seem like a day at the beach.
Mrs. Parker: I'll meet both of you in the sanctuary after Sunday school.
Olivia Parker: All right, Mom. See you later.
Wooton Bassett: Oh, hey, you guys. Oh, hi, Mrs. Parker. I just wanted to talk to Olivia and Matthew. I've made a decision about my decision.
Olivia Parker: What is it?
Wooton Bassett: It's a test.
Olivia Parker: Ooh, what kind of test? Math? No, geography? No, fashion?
Wooton Bassett: No, I'm going to pick questions that will help me figure out who will be better with the kids, who's going to talk and listen to them and stuff. That kind of thing. How does that sound?
Olivia Parker: I think that's fair.
Matthew Parker: Sounds good to me. No problem.
Wooton Bassett: Well then, I'd like to take both of you to my first grade Sunday school class right now. Is that okay, Mrs. Parker?
Mrs. Parker: Yeah, absolutely.
Wooton Bassett: Oh, great. Okay, you guys want to come with me? Let's go.
Wooton Bassett: Okay, kids, so that's it for this week. Make sure you come next Sunday because it's really going to be cool. We're recreating Israel's battle against the Amalekites in Play-Doh. Okay, you can play until your parents come to get you. Puzzles are over there, trucks and cars over there, and blocks and stuff in the cabinet. Wow, that went pretty good, don't you think? Now you have an idea about handling first graders at camp.
Olivia Parker: Hey, Wooton, now just out of curiosity, what will we be teaching?
Wooton Bassett: Oh, hang on a second. Zach, the glue is for sticking, not for snacking. The theme is love as in the love talked about in First Corinthians. You know, we'll take each verse and then we're going to concentrate on—
Matthew Parker: Whoa, is that an Erector Set? Oh, yeah, it is. Give me a minute. I have to show that kid how to build a construction crane. Hey, can I play?
Olivia Parker: My brother is so easily distracted.
Wooton Bassett: Yeah, I know. Kids—oh, Dave, don't eat the action figures.
Olivia Parker: Hey, so which chapter in First Corinthians is that?
Wooton Bassett: 13. You see, a lot of the words and phrases in there are sort of—oh, wow, Legos! Excuse me a minute. Hey, can I play?
Olivia Parker: First Corinthians 13. I think I know how to get that position.
Olivia Parker: "And now of these three remain: faith, hope, and love. But the greatest of these is love."
Mr. Parker: Wow, that is great. An entire chapter memorized. Nice job.
Mrs. Parker: I'm proud of you. Did Wooton ask you to memorize that?
Olivia Parker: No, but that's the theme for camp, so I thought I'd show a little initiative.
Mr. Parker: Well, I'm impressed. Has Matthew memorized it too?
Olivia Parker: Are you kidding, Dad? All Matthew does is play around with the kids. He's not taking this seriously at all. I've learned more about the Bible in these last two weeks than I haven't in the last two years.
Mrs. Parker: When is Wooton giving you his test?
Olivia Parker: Any day now, but it's pretty obvious who will pass with flying colors. So I'll just be up in my room packing for camp.
Wooton Bassett: Bye, Frankie. Have a great week. See you, Mrs. Green. Bye. You're welcome. So Olivia, do you think I scared any of them with my lesson today?
Olivia Parker: What do you mean?
Wooton Bassett: Well, that Bible story was a little scary, so I wanted to watch them to see if they got frightened as a test to see what kind of story I could tell them at camp.
Olivia Parker: Well, the story was about Zacchaeus. He was just a wee little man.
Wooton Bassett: Yeah, but he was a wee little tax collector, which is pretty frightening. And he climbed pretty high up in that tree. It gave me vertigo just describing it.
Olivia Parker: I don't think they were scared.
Wooton Bassett: Well, that's a good sign. Oh, hey, Matthew.
Matthew Parker: Yes.
Wooton Bassett: Come over here, please. We can clean that up later.
Matthew Parker: Sure, what's up?
Wooton Bassett: We're going to have our quiz.
Matthew Parker: Right now?
Wooton Bassett: Yeah, you guys ready?
Olivia Parker: Yes.
Matthew Parker: I guess.
Wooton Bassett: Okay then, let's play. I've got my questions right here. I'll begin with you, Matthew. Hit me. Matthew, what is Kenny's favorite toy?
Matthew Parker: The toy workbench.
Wooton Bassett: That's right. Good job. Olivia, what food is Patty allergic to?
Olivia Parker: Who?
Wooton Bassett: Patty, in our class.
Olivia Parker: What food is she allergic to?
Wooton Bassett: That's right.
Olivia Parker: I don't know. How would I know that?
Matthew Parker: I know. Peanuts.
Wooton Bassett: You are correct. Matthew, your turn again. What is special about Andrew's younger brother?
Matthew Parker: He has Down syndrome.
Wooton Bassett: That is correct. Matthew has three points. Olivia, who is Amanda's best friend?
Olivia Parker: Who is Amanda? Wait, what kind of questions are these?
Matthew Parker: I know. Jessica.
Wooton Bassett: That's right.
Olivia Parker: Okay, wait a minute. When are you going to get to the questions about First Corinthians 13?
Wooton Bassett: I don't have any.
Olivia Parker: Why not? You said that's the theme we'll be teaching.
Wooton Bassett: Yeah, it is, but that's not really what I wanted you to concentrate on here. I said that I wanted my assistant to be good with the kids, and that means getting to know them, talking to them, listening to them.
Olivia Parker: So okay, I memorized that whole chapter for nothing?
Wooton Bassett: For nothing? I wouldn't say that. Memorizing scripture is a great thing to do.
Olivia Parker: But I memorized it for the retreat. Matthew didn't. All he did was play.
Wooton Bassett: Yeah, play with the kids, which was kind of the whole idea, Olivia. I'm really sorry.
Olivia Parker: Sorry? I'm the one who's sorry for wasting my time.
Wooton Bassett: Oh, Whit told me this would happen.
Olivia Parker: You stole it from me.
Matthew Parker: We both agreed to the test.
Olivia Parker: But you don't even like Melissa Cypher. All you like is that techno sync keyboard thingy.
Matthew Parker: I didn't do it to meet Melissa Cypher or her husband. I think this is about the kids.
Olivia Parker: Oh, please. If you'd been a nice brother, you wouldn't have competed. You better leave before I really lose my temper.
Matthew Parker: This is my room.
Olivia Parker: I don't care. It's not fair. It was my idea, and I heard about it first, and you knew I wanted to go, and you jumped in front of me and took it for yourself. I can't believe you would do this to me.
Mr. Parker: Hey, hey, hey, what is going on in here? The pictures on the walls are shaking.
Olivia Parker: He stole camp away from me.
Matthew Parker: I passed Wooton's test, and she didn't.
Mr. Parker: Okay, now Olivia, we all agreed that Wooton would make the final decision. I'm sorry that it didn't go your way.
Olivia Parker: I'm used to it. Nothing's gone my way ever since Mom came home from the hospital and said, "It's a boy."
Mr. Parker: Olivia, go to your room and calm down. I'll be there in a minute.
Mr. Parker: Olivia.
Olivia Parker: I haven't really calmed down yet. You should probably come back later.
Mr. Parker: Oh, I think now is a good time. Door's open. I brought the fire extinguisher.
Olivia Parker: What?
Mr. Parker: For the smoke coming out of your ears.
Olivia Parker: I'm not ready to laugh yet, Dad.
Mr. Parker: Olivia, I've never seen you like that.
Olivia Parker: I'm not usually that mad.
Mr. Parker: Mad or not, that doesn't excuse the things you said.
Olivia Parker: I didn't say anything that wasn't true.
Mr. Parker: Wow.
Olivia Parker: What?
Mr. Parker: Well, you just reminded me of someone. A kid in my youth group at church when I was a teenager. Joshua Meany.
Olivia Parker: Come on, that wasn't his name.
Mr. Parker: It was. I'm not kidding. He liked to use that very sentence: "I didn't say anything that wasn't true," right after he insulted someone. Nobody liked Joshua Meany.
Olivia Parker: And I remind you of him?
Mr. Parker: The bad thing about Joshua was that he was smart, really smart. He knew the Bible backwards and forwards. He always won the Bible drills and quizzes. Adults would praise him, give him the ribbons, applaud him in front of the church, but they didn't know the real Joshua Meany. The real one knew all about the Bible but didn't follow a single word of it. I always thought that was wrong.
Olivia Parker: Well, yeah, it is wrong. But—
Mr. Parker: But what? Do me a favor. Recite First Corinthians 13. Start with verse one.
Olivia Parker: Okay. "If I speak in tongues of men and of angels but have not love, I am only a resounding gong or a clanging cymbal. If I have the gift of prophecy and can fathom all mysteries and have all knowledge, and if I have a faith that can move mountains but have not love, I am nothing."
Mr. Parker: Go on.
Olivia Parker: I get it.
Mr. Parker: Get what?
Olivia Parker: Having all knowledge, but all that knowledge doesn't mean anything without love, like Joshua Meany.
Mr. Parker: As proud as your mother and I are that you memorized the scripture, it means a lot more to us to see you apply it. Can you show this kind of love to your brother?
Olivia Parker: I don't know. It's not easy.
Mr. Parker: I don't see where the Bible said it would be. Look, Olivia, I know you're disappointed about camp, but at some point, you need to find it in your heart to love even through the disappointment. Isn't that what this chapter says? I'll let you think about that. And when you're ready, you need to go back and talk to Matthew.
Olivia Parker: Okay. Dad?
Mr. Parker: Hmm?
Olivia Parker: Whatever happened to Joshua Meany?
Mr. Parker: I don't know. He moved away, and no one wanted to stay in touch with him. I wish I had. It would have been good for me to show the kind of love to him that we wished he would show to us.
Olivia Parker: That's sad.
Mr. Parker: It is sad, and I'd hate to see you make the same mistake. Talk to your brother.
Olivia Parker: I will.
Mr. Parker: Good.
Olivia Parker: Excuse me, are you Olivia?
Kenny: Yes. Wait, wait, I know you. You're in the first grade class at church.
Olivia Parker: Yeah, your name is Kenny.
Kenny: Right, Kenny. I heard you were really smart, so I have a question for you.
Olivia Parker: Oh, you heard I was smart?
Kenny: Yeah. I have this problem. My little sister and I got into a fight, and I want her to know how sorry I am. Is there a Bible verse about that?
Olivia Parker: Well, yeah. There's one in First Corinthians. Wait a minute. Who told you to ask me that?
Kenny: Him.
Olivia Parker: Him who?
Kenny: Matthew.
Olivia Parker: I see. Will you excuse me a minute, Kenny?
Kenny: Okay, see you.
Olivia Parker: Hi, Matthew.
Matthew Parker: Hey.
Olivia Parker: You sent Kenny over?
Matthew Parker: Yeah, you haven't been talking to me, so I thought you'd talk to him. It was kind of my way of apologizing.
Olivia Parker: I should apologize too. I'm sorry.
Matthew Parker: Okay.
Olivia Parker: But do me a favor.
Matthew Parker: What?
Olivia Parker: I'd like you to come when Mom and Dad drop me off tomorrow morning at the church.
Matthew Parker: Why?
Olivia Parker: It would mean a lot.
Matthew Parker: Okay, as long as you don't attack me with silly string or make faces from the bus.
Olivia Parker: I won't. I promise.
Matthew Parker: All right, then I'll be there.
Wooton Bassett: Don't get on the bus yet. Stay with your group. We're just waiting for a few more people to get here, then we'll head off to camp.
Mrs. Parker: Okay, Matthew, do you have everything you need?
Matthew Parker: Mom, you went through all my stuff. I'm good.
Mr. Parker: Okay, now don't forget, no pets, right? I don't want any insects or reptiles or animals of any kind coming home with you.
Matthew Parker: Aw, Dad.
Olivia Parker: But you can bring me something.
Matthew Parker: What?
Olivia Parker: Melissa Cypher's autograph.
Matthew Parker: Maybe.
Olivia Parker: Maybe?
Whit: May I have your attention, please? Wooton Bassett has a special announcement.
Wooton Bassett: Thanks, Whit. Okay, everybody, welcome to the parking lot. I know it's crazy now, but just wait until we get to camp. You want crazy? I'll show you crazy! But nothing scary or inappropriate for first grade sensibilities or practices. Anyway, I know we have a few people here who were disappointed they couldn't come to camp with us, so my friend Whit and I made up a consolation prize that we placed strategically out of view on the other side of the bus. So, driver, move that bus! Ladies and gentlemen, please welcome Melissa Cypher!
Melissa Cypher: Hey, everybody! I'm Melissa, and I'm glad to be here because I want to meet someone I've heard a lot about. Olivia Parker, where are you?
Olivia Parker: Me? Me? Me? Right here! Right here! Right here!
Melissa Cypher: Why don't you come on up and sing with the band, Olivia? It's a chorus I wrote based on First Corinthians 13. I heard you already know the words.
Olivia Parker: I do!
Melissa Cypher: Ready?
Olivia Parker: You're not kidding! You're not kidding! This is the coolest!
Chris: I think Olivia saw that having knowledge is a good thing, but it's not the same as being loving. Love uses knowledge to help and bless others. If it doesn't do that, then it's useless. You heard Olivia recite First Corinthians 13, but as that chapter makes clear, we need to do the word and not just hear it. So, what did you think of today's episode? Write to me at Adventures in Odyssey, Colorado Springs, Colorado, 80995. In Canada, that address is Box 9800, Vancouver, BC, V6B 4G3. You can check out our website at whitsend.org for more about today's show called "Wooton Knows Best." Or you can learn more about Album 54, "Clanging Cymbals," which includes 12 episodes inspired by First Corinthians 13. Adventures in Odyssey is a presentation of Focus on the Family. "Wooton Knows Best" was written by Marshal Younger and directed by Dave Arnold. Our sound designer was Nathan Jones. Our cast included Kelly Stables, Zack Callison, Jess Harnell, and Mark Evan Jackson. And I'm Chris, hoping you'll join us again next time for more Adventures in Odyssey.