Neglected Areas Of Discipleship pt. 2 (cont'd)

Paul Sheppard: So God says forgive. What does forgive mean? Forgive means I release them to God. I say, "Lord, you will deal with the offense." My job is to make sure that what they did in the past does not determine my future as I walk with you. If you're going to be like Jesus, you're going to have to say like him, "Father, I'm giving them over to you."
Guest (Male): Hello, and welcome to another great day here on Destined for Victory where we feature the teaching ministry of Pastor Paul Sheppard. Wherever you are and however you may be listening, thanks for making this part of your day. Well, forgiveness isn't always easy, but if you want to reach your full potential in Christ, it's absolutely essential. Today you'll find out why. Remember to visit our website, pastorpaul.net, where you can listen on demand to any of our recent messages and get details about how to listen on your favorite digital platform. And be sure to download our free mobile app, search Destined for Victory at the App Store, and listen to us wherever you go. Now, let's get started with today's Destined for Victory message, Neglected Areas of Discipleship.
Paul Sheppard: Have you ever had attitude towards somebody you're holding an unforgiveness? You can be at a party or whatever it is, and you're having a good time. As soon as they walk in, everything changes for you. Your face changes, you get mad, you start murmuring under your breath and muttering. You're doing all that. Sometimes they see you, and they don't care. You're wasting a lot of time, a lot of energy. Hate expends a lot of energy. But notice your enemies next time you see them, they could care less because you are not to be the one who deals with that transgression. So the Bible says forgive. The word forgive, the Greek word means to send away. It means whatever they did, it was wrong, it was sin, it was not what they should have done. But the Bible says, you send it away from your heart so that you don't carry them around, and you don't become a warden where you're carrying around in your heart, in the jail of your heart, all the folk who have sinned against you or mistreated you. Some of you all got a full-blown prison you're walking around in inside of you right now. You know I'm telling the truth. I'm ringing doorbells, I know I am. A full-blown Pelican Bay, full-blown. Some of you all got Alcatraz. You put them out in the middle of the ocean in your heart. All these folk. And the Bible says, you're not built to carry that. That's not God's will for you. He wants you to move on with your life. And as long as you become a warden, you have frozen yourself at the points of those offense in your life. And you can't truly move on with your life because you are living in the past. So God says forgive. What does forgive mean? Forgive means I release them to God. I say, "Lord, you will deal with the offense." My job is to make sure that what they did in the past does not determine my future as I walk with you. And I'm here to report to somebody that if you're going to be like Jesus, you're going to have to say like him, "Father, I'm giving them over to you." Now, let me give you some practical advice about forgiveness. When you have to forgive people, I'm not suggesting that you go to folks who hurt you and are glad they hurt you, or hurt you, are in denial that they hurt you. I'm not suggesting you go to them and say, "I forgive you," because they didn't ask for that. You don't have to express forgiveness to anyone who hasn't asked for it. What you have to do is release them in your heart and say, "Lord, if they ever come, I have the gift of forgiveness ready to hand off." And in the meantime, I've given the offense to you. And I'm going to ask you to heal me, help me get over the pain of the hurt, the pain of the abuse, the pain of the betrayal, and help me move on, Lord, so that my life is not defined by their offenses. So, you don't walk around telling people that you forgive them when they haven't asked for it. They need to come. They need to accept responsibility. They need to own the offense. What you have the right to do biblically is to show them the offense. So, for some of you, that means you have to write a letter or an email or have a live conversation in which you say, "You offended me. You abused me. Here's what you did. And now that I'm walking with Christ and I'm a follower of Christ, I've got to be aware of that, and I've got to make you aware of it because the Bible says, when a person trespass against you, go and show them their fault." So, don't be some little Christian who pretends like it didn't happen. Jesus said, "Go and show." Let them know, "You hurt me. I resent what you said to me. I resent how you treated me. I resent why you put me in that position. I resent that abuse. I resent that mistreatment. You are free to do that. That is the Christian thing to do." So, you got to understand that because a lot of folks won't tell you that. They make you feel like you're supposed to practice sloppy agape. You know, that little mamsey-pamsey Christianity where you're just grinning all the time and acting like everything is wonderful. No, no, you can walk up to some folk and say, "You hurt me, and I don't like it. You mistreated me, and I'm a child of God, and I don't deserve that kind of mistreatment." You have every right biblically to do that. Once you have shown them their fault, though, be ready because some people will deny it. Some people will say it never happened. Some people will act like you've lost your mind. There are some people who will act like you are crazy because their sins have them in such denial. They don't have love in their heart from God. They don't have any sensitivity. They have walls up all around themselves. And so you will run into flat-out denial. Sometimes people will add insult to the injury. So you have to be prepared. "Well, I did what Jesus said. I went and showed them. They've rejected me. So, I give that offense now to God. And I have forgiveness if they ever come and truly repent. I have forgiveness that I can release to them. But until or unless they ever come to me, I'm just going to have to give this to God and believe him for my future." I have a word for those of you who have been mistreated and abused. I want to let you know that the power of God will see to it. If you will be a follower of Christ, read the scriptures, God will not let anyone who has truly come to him and sought him to get free from the chains of what other people have done to them. God will not leave you in that condition. He will set you free from that pain. He will set you free from what they did. He will set you free from how they impacted you. You can be like Joseph who said to his brothers one day, "You meant what you did for evil, but God took it and turned it around for good." And the fact of the matter is, there are people all throughout the body of Christ who have built full ministries on their pain because God so healed them, and God so restored them that they're able now to help other people to understand that other folks don't get to dictate your destiny. Your enemies don't get to decide what happens in your life. And so you're going to have to forgive. You're going to have to forgive. If you're going to be like Jesus, you must forgive. Now, next point is that if you're going to be like Jesus, you're going to have to create appropriate boundaries. Jesus, when he lived his life, he made sure that he had the appropriate boundaries to deal with all the people he was going to have to deal with. In fact, you couldn't have 24-hour access to Jesus because he saw to it that he defined all the relationships according to the will of the Heavenly Father. And so he made sure to walk with boundaries. There was a time when he brought healing into the life of a demonized man, and after that man was healed and delivered from those spirits, the man wanted to travel with Jesus everywhere he went, and Jesus said, "No, I want you to go to your hometown and tell them what I did for you." You have to learn to send people away. You have to learn to say no to people. And when it comes to your abusers, you have to learn to draw the lines and the boundaries so that they cannot have access to you again. Very important. Very important. If you're going to be like Jesus, you have to learn to deal with boundaries. You can't act like everyone gets to get in and have access to you. When it comes to your abusers and those who have offended you, you have got to make sure that you establish appropriate boundaries so that they cannot have access again. So, I've said it over the years, if someone trespass against you and truly repents, you forgive them. But until they demonstrate that they are trustworthy, you cannot trust them. When people show you that they're not worthy of trust, please believe them. If you want to be like Jesus, you have to believe them. If you show me you're not worthy of trust, I will believe you, and I will keep an eye on you. Right in the scriptures, the Bible says that Jesus had to do that as he dealt with the people in his life. In fact, there's an occasion when he said to his disciples in Matthew chapter 7 verse 15, he said, "You have to be aware of the leaven of the Pharisees and of Herod." He was looking at some people who had it in for him, and he taught his disciples, "You have to beware." You ever saw that sign, "Beware of dog?" What's that mean? That mean you come in this yard if you want to. But there's a dog here that is gifted to give you problems. I know, I grew up, one of my jobs growing up was having a paper route. You all didn't live in those days, but some of us 45, 50 and older, we know. We grew up having one of my jobs was going to be a paperboy, and to get up early in the morning and fold the papers, and I knew the yards where when it said, "Beware of dog," I was supposed to believe them. And I had told those people in advance, "I love taking the papers right to the porch, putting it right where you want, because at Christmas time, I want a blessing." "But you all have a dog that will not let me do that. I'll show you where I'm going to put your paper. It's going to be out here by the curb, nice and it'll be right here. Safe and sound. And if you ever want your paper on your porch, get rid of your dog." I had to look out for myself. I wasn't making that much money as a paperboy where I'm going to risk a dog bite over it. You have to know the appropriate boundaries for your life. Jesus said, "Beware of the leaven of the Pharisees and of Herod." Watch out for people who have it in for you. See, you have people who love you but disappoint you. I've said over the years, but you also have people who don't love you to begin with. You got to know the folks who love you but they will disappoint you. So, you have to have the right boundaries. You have to know the people who really have it in for you and make sure they can't get a clean shot at you. Don't expose yourself in those ways. You have to know people you love and who love you, but their season in your life has changed. Some of you have grown children. If you want them to live with you, you're going to allow them to live with you, then you have to have the standard by which you get to live here. You know, there's a season where you got to take care of them, you're supposed to, it's God's will and all of that, but there comes another season where once you're at a certain age, once you're out of school, if you live here, we may choose to allow you to live here, but it's got to be at our convenience and to bless us. It flips the script. My parents allowed me to live in their home until I got married. I was so grateful for that. I didn't want to move out, get my own place. I figured the first place I want to live outside my mama house is when I have a wife. I got married at 24, and so my parents allowed me. After college, you can live here until you get married. But you're going to have to pay some money. You're going to have to be gainfully employed or in school full-time, one of the two, and you're going to have to chip in and help. And they had the boundaries laid out. And everybody knew the rules. It was a blessing. I was able to save up a little money so that when I chose for my wife, I was able to put some money aside, get her a nice little ring and all of that because they were helping me and I was helping them. I'm living there, helping out at the home. My dad said, "I'm not getting a gardener when I got a son." And he liked those big old yards. His house had all this land and he wouldn't even go get one of them riding. He said, "No, you're young and strong. Just go on and pull." But I lived there. That was the deal. I could accept it or go get an apartment. My choice. You all have to know how to do that. Draw the boundaries. And after I got married, that was it. Now, fortunately, I wanted to go. But I wouldn't have had a choice anyway. I told you the story. After I got married, I still had the key to the house. And a couple of weeks or it's probably a matter of days after I got married, I said, "Oh, let me shoot on back over and see my parents. I'm home from a little honeymoon. I'm excited, little young, married man now." And so I came on in, and I'm used to, I've had the key all my life. So, I'm used to, I just took the key and turned it and walked on in the house. And my father was sitting at the kitchen table, and he looked up and saw me. He said, "Hey, son!" I said, "Hey, Pop, how you doing?" "Oh, man, good to see you." We hugged, what have you? And I stood there. I figured I'd stand there in the kitchen. We both married men now. Standing there, shoot the breeze with him, married man, you know. So, I stand there, and I've lived in that house all these years. I'm 24 now, so I just went to the cabinet like usual and got a cup and went to the refrigerator and poured some apple juice. And I'm just standing there drinking the apple juice and talking to Pop. And we talked for a few minutes and what have you? Then, I saw this look come over his face as he realized that he didn't get up and open the door for me. And he said, "Uh, son, how'd you get in here?" I said, "Oh, you know, I still have my key, you know, and uh, and so I just thought I'd come on in and see you and Mommy." He said, "Oh, good. Well, good to see you. Now, now, son, when you leave, leave your key right up on that ledge." Hurt my feelings! And I thought, I didn't say it, but I thought, what do you mean leave the key? But I got it. What he meant was, "I love you. You're my boy. But you have left my house. You got you a little old wife. You're now starting ministry. You're my assistant pastor. Got a little old wife, little old salary. Went, got you a little old apartment. You go there and drink your own little old apple juice." "And when you come here, ring the doorbell." And he loved me, but he was serious. He told us when we got married, "You all better make it work because you're not coming back in here." Months later, I went back, rang the doorbell. Went back, he wasn't home, my mom was there. Ran in, talked to her, and I thought, this is months later. I'm now months married, old veteran, you know, married. And I just, so I thought I'd wax, you know, nostalgic. I'm back in the home where I was raised. And and so I thought I'd run up to the third floor and look in my old room. And I ran up there, and he had turned it into a study. I said, "All right. Well," I said, "Well, let me let me let me run to the bathroom while I'm here." And I ran to my bathroom on the third floor, to what I thought was my bathroom. And it was a sauna. I ran downstairs and said, "Mom, what's going on up there on the third floor?" He said, "Oh, yeah, your father, as soon as you got married, he called the contractor." I mean, he was making it clear, "I love you, but this is a new season. This season is about me. The Lord bless you and keep you. Make his face shine upon you. Be gracious unto you. The Lord lift up his countenance upon you and give you peace. As for me, I have fought a good fight. I have finished my course as a parent. I have kept the faith. Henceforth is laid up for me a sauna." I've come to respect that. He did the right thing. Some of you are going in for a second tour of duty. And that's fine if you choose to, but do it at your convenience, not at your sacrifice. God hasn't called you to lay down your life for grown folk who need to be taking care of their own responsibilities. God didn't call you to pay bills to people who need to be paying their own bills. If you grandparents want to occasionally help out, that's good. But if they want to turn you into a full-blown full-time babysitter, go find out what babysitters make. Bring them a rate sheet. Sometimes you have to discern the seasons have changed in your life, and you got to draw appropriate boundaries. Jesus was very clear with his disciples. He taught them, when it comes to the Herod and the Pharisees, you have to have one posture. When it comes to your enemies, you have to have another posture. When it comes to the people who have played a certain role in your season, if the season changes, you have to understand that because God has a plan and purpose for your life that is so significant that you must create the appropriate boundaries so that nothing distracts you from doing the will of God. When it's all said and done, the most important thing for you to do, for me to do, is to make sure that our lives are in the center of God's will. Some people will be happy with that, and there are some people in your life who won't be happy with that. You have to learn to be okay regardless. When people try to manipulate you with their attitudes and make you feel like you're supposed to treat them a certain way. You have to have the grace to say no. That's not what God's called me to do. I love you. I'll be there for you when the Lord wants me to and how he wants me to. But I must make sure that I live my life with the appropriate boundaries so that I am fully prepared to do his will.
Guest (Male): Thanks so much for being here with us for today's Destined for Victory message, Neglected Areas of Discipleship. You know, our media ministry was built upon a deep desire to honor God with our time and resources, and it's listening friends and partners like you who give so generously to give us that privilege. This season of the year, however, always seems to be a difficult one for ministry. I once asked Pastor Paul if this was true for Destined for Victory, and he gave us a very candid answer.
Paul Sheppard: Yes, it is. And it's simply because people love us and they want to support us, but sometimes we're so glad to be through the winter and the spring, and we're now in the summer and we're ready to take some vacation time and and do some things that we've longed to do for months. And we get to do it, whether it's travel or or whatever. But I just want to encourage and remind our listeners that if we're going to keep on preaching the word throughout the year, then the support is absolutely necessary because I have found out that the bills don't take vacations. They keep coming every single month. And so we have to be ready to meet them with the finances necessary. And again, it's not about the money, it's what the money does. Your giving allows us to keep on declaring truth that people need to hear day in and day out, month in and month out. So, at every season, even in the summer, we get to keep preaching timeless truths if we have the financial support. I want to thank all of our partners, all of our donors, everyone who makes sure to meet the financial need so that lives are changed, souls are saved, and people come to know who Jesus is and how important knowing him is in their lives.
Guest (Male): Your donations do make a difference, and as you give generously today, we have an outstanding resource to share with you as our way of saying thanks. It's our latest booklet, When Humans Attack. Using the story of Mary and Martha as a backdrop, this outstanding resource reveals the contrast between distraction and devotion and shows us the value of pausing to be near Jesus. That's When Humans Attack, our thank you gift this month when you make a generous donation to Destined for Victory. You can give by phone by calling 855-339-5500. That's 855-339-5500. Or visit pastorpaul.net to make a safe and secure donation online. You can also mail your gift to Destined for Victory, post office box 1767, Fremont, California, 94538.
Paul Sheppard: I want to ask you to examine your life. Are you putting yourself too much in the hands of people, thinking that this is the way to be godly, this is the way to be like Christ, when in fact, it is not like Christ at all? He was intentional about creating his boundaries and expectations in his life.
Guest (Male): And that's tomorrow in our continuing message, Neglected Areas of Discipleship. Until then, though, remember, he who began a good work in you will bring it to completion. In Christ, you are destined for victory.